wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
