if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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