On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
