sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
