I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
