nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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