I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
