You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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