you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
