I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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