dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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