Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
