I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
