So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
