Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
