We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
