Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
