she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
