Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
