Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
