Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
