Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
