So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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