I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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