I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
