saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
