I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
