from now on my penis is your penis
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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