I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
