yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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