On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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