There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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