don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
