I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
