I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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