You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
