I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
