My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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