Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
