Will you blow on my dice?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
