Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
