walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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