just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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