Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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