I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
