that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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