New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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