I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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