She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
