hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
