Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
