I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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