There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
